It’s snowing on a Saturday. I love it. It’s pretty. However, in our neck of the woods, the first snow wreaks havoc with people. Driving becomes treacherous. People will think the pavement is wet and wham they are suddenly spinning on ice – crash.
My parents are from Michigan. We were not given a fear of snow. I find it fun to drive in – as long as I’m not on a time limit.
Out my window, I overlook the woods. It is a peaceful setting. A creek bubbles by with the snow trying to capture the edges. I love the view.
My friend Tina and I went to Susan’s Salon today. I had the gray removed. Tina is growing her hair out and getting cuts to go with the new lengths. It was fun.
When we returned, Emily was here to take care of the pets.
The week has been a tough one for me physically. I returned to work 5 days after my knee surgery. With all the challenges I’ve had throughout the multiple surgeries, this one was definitely a toughy. I know I’m getting better, but not fast enough to suit me. I guess it’s always that way. I keep telling myself this is a short time in the big span.
Monday when I came home from work, I was exhausted. I went straight upstairs to bed with tears streaming.
Sometimes it feels good to have a pity party. When I do that I go through a cycle of self deprecating thoughts. I start off thinking I’m stupid for not being what I want to be, I should take better care of myself. If I did I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in. I hurt so bad and know its all my fault, barring the surgery pain. I thought about calling Fred for consolation. Then I thought about calling Emily, Konnie, or Tina. Ultimately, I realized I was simply tired and needed to talk to God. I cried for about an hour. But, when it was all said and done, I realized it felt good to cry. I found the consolation in prayer. So, I relaxed finally and fell into peaceful sleep.
I hobbled through the rest of the week. I was still tired, but in a better place emotionally.
Saturday afternoon Emily made a comment to me that took me aback a bit.
She said she was worried about me. She wasn’t worried about me from the physical problems, but more about my approach to life. I’m impetuous, passionate and show little self restraint. Well, ya! That’s why I am in the fix I’m in. She tells me I spend too much time thinking about why I am the way I am, rather than taking action to change the things I want to change.
That kind of threw me for a loop.
It’s true. I dissect everything. My brain spins on an axis, like a globe. I look around all sides, spinning, spinning. I don’t stop. I use that action as if it is action. It isn’t. It’s everything but.
Now I do think the lap band is definitive, positive action. I am changing because of it. And, I’m pretty sure I’m capable of applying this same good conduct to the other areas that need tweaking. Emily is worried about how I spend my money and live my life. She wants me to stop being spontaneous and willful. She wants me to be strategic and plan carefully.
Change is hard, but doable.
Wow! I love the wisdom Ms. Emily is displaying. Must be nice to have such a mature daughter!
Cheri
Hey hey hey…impetuous, passionate and little self restraint were all of your words. I would never use “passionate” in a bad way…I’m a musician after all! It’s part of what we do. Planning and being strategic are good ideas, especially when money is concerned, but there are plenty of ways to be spontaneous without causing yourself harm! All I’m saying is that there needs to be a balance between the whimsical and the practical.
Well little lady seems like your having a bit of a ruff time there, You know you have been through alot, And that my friend is when the depression sets in, Now you have known me for a very long time and you know I do not hold back, anything. you have a good wonderful daughter and you write great good job and Fred who I have not met. Now you know that I have not had it easy either and by all accounts I should be in a looney house but I look at it this way beat it or be beat and dont sweat the small stuff or the big things do get better. Keep your head up and go at this with that heart you have inside, I know your in pain and Im sorry but it will go away soon. Hey I love you and I think its time to see you so let me know when I can stop down to see you, A Sunday is fine or Sat afternoon. So smile Jeanne
Balance is always the issue for me. I just finished eating dinner and I was thinking balance in food isn’t easy. Balance in money isn’t easy. But Balance is definitely the goal. Yin Yang. That is what I seek. That is what I’m working toward. Your love and concern mean so much to me. Thanks for sharing the journey.