Snowy Saturday of Bliss, Stupid Food

Today is a snowy Saturday morning. Fred and I postponed our departure for Fort Wayne. We are having a Harry Potter Marathon instead. The dog and cat are fighting for spots on our laps. A small cup of eggnog, a couple of cookies and barbecued meatballs fill our bellies while the critters whine for goodies too. Bliss. I’m happy, EXCEPT, I’m struggling with my feelings about stupid food AGAIN!

 

My mother-in-law asked me how the lap-band was doing.  Doing? With all the fluid taken out and now being slowly returned, once a month – – I can say the band is doing – – nothing. Stupid food.

 

I’m eating like a starved prisoner who has found a feast.  What really makes me angry about stupid food is that for the first months of the band being put in, well it was heaven. The freedom was the lack of hunger I experienced.

 

Now I’m hungry all the time.  The freedom was not being able to swallow unless I chewed everything into liquid. Now I can gulp down whatever I want.  I remember crying with joy when the thought of eating was the last thing I wanted to do.

 

I want that feeling back. No hunger. Stupid food.

 

I’ve had the band for more than a year now. I lost an initial 40, then I gained and lost about 20 more pounds in the last three months.  I lost it because of the hernia surgery, then gained it because the band was empty.

 

ARG!!!

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