July 11, 2009 – Happy Tired

I’ve been chastised for not blogging more often, so I’m going to try to do better.

Sometimes I wonder if people really care about what I’m up to. Then when I read the previous entries I think, I care what I’ve been up to! It’s quite fun to read. Sometimes its a bit embarrassing, but blogging, like the diary, is a fascinating study into a my own heart, mind and soul. I’m learning something new every day. In the last few years, since I started the mind and weight journey, I’ve grown. I’ve relapsed. I’ve gained. I’ve lost. I’ve been more happy than sad. Every day is a new day to start over…if I choose.

What’s been happening since my last post? Well…..lots!

Fred, Emily, Mark and I traveled to beloved Michigan. It was fun showing Fred the state and introducing him to my wonderful relatives. Seeing his smile and hearing his laughter as we traveled made happy bubbles pop in my heart. Mark has been officially “brainwashed” in the love for Michigan. Now Fred is officially “brainwashed” too. He fell in love with Michigan like the rest of us. Plus, he was more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him. I think that’s the lake air in purity and freshness.

The weather was beautiful. The high was in the 70’s. We wore sweatshirts. The sky was sapphire blue with dancing cotton clouds. Crystals formed on the tips of waves. The aroma of chocolate and vanilla fudge mixed with the breeze, as horses clip-clopped along the avenues and pathways of Mackinac Island.

The Grand Hotel stood majestically white in the west. Fort Mackinac, guarded the east as it shook with cannon and gunfire. My heart halted with each cannon blow, then skipped beats when I saw Fred’s serene face. We strolled together holding hands, while Mark and Emily climbed the trails to the island’s highest point.

We were on the island for the Fourth of July. We stayed in the 150 year old green, yellow and pink Inn on Mackinac. Our room was on the fourth floor, including a rounded turret with windows overlooking Main Street and the Harbor.

After our tour of the island, fort and a tasty dinner, Emily and Mark went to the beach to watch the fireworks. Fred and I gleefully gazed from the windows of our turreted room, sitting on softly cushioned, white wickered furniture. We could see, the fireworks from Mackinac City off in the distance, punctuating the island’s fireworks. Both were lovely. It was weird watching fireworks “straight up” without music. It isn’t the same as on Labor Day when WEBN choreographs the blasts.. But, in my soul, I heard John Phillip Sousa’s piccolo solo from the Stars and Stripes being played by Emily.

Our trip home was interesting. We headed south to Boyne City to visit Aunt Elizabeth, but we were too early and missed her. Then we went to Gaylord where I showed Emily and the rest the spot where my parents and grandparents are buried. It was a touching moment. One I didn’t expect to experience on this trip as a time element, but I am so glad we we took the time.

We chattered all the way home, looking for Ryder and Penske Trucks to smack each other. The game comes from a time when Emily was 5 or 6. We laughed a lot.

It was a great trip. I feel closer to each one and love them deeply.

Upon returning to work, stress quickly returned. Layoffs. I feel the pain of all who lost their jobs. The fear that I might lose mine sits just below the surface. I’m safe for now. Perhaps I need to seek other employment for security. But, I really like my job. It’s too much to think about now. I want to think happy thoughts. I’m marrying Fred in three months. Why is there always bitter with the sweet?

Now for the weight…….

I didn’t gain on our trip. That alone is a miracle. I haven’t lost anything either. But I think that’s a miracle too. I’m stable. Even though I’m still a big girl, I’ve decided part of the victory is the stoppage of the yo-yo. Since February, I’ve only lost 6 pounds. I was thinking that means I’m a slacker and “bad girl” cause I’m not staying true to an eating plan. On this trip, however, I realized, I really am doing pretty well. I’m not over eating. I’m not under eating. I’m eating like a normal person. I think that’s wonderful! Stopping the negative emotions relating to food is a healing that takes time. The lap band is giving me that time. Food is food, nothing more, nothing less. One step at a time.

2 Replies to “July 11, 2009 – Happy Tired

  1. Anonymous says:

    I always happily read your blog. It gives me pleasure to know how you're doing, even if I don't get to see you or talk with you.


  2. Thanks. We do need to get together again soon.

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