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    July 17, 2009 – Party week-end

    This is the week-end where Fred and I will merge our families. We’re hosting a party at the clubhouse. Lots of food and fun! I’m hoping everyone likes each other as much as we like them. I hope everyone has a great time. I’m nervous (of course). Worry Wart that I am. I really do know everything will be fine……….but getting the brain to simmer down now……well you know – that’s my problem. Now I’m envisioning all the cartoons with the devil on one side and the angel on the other. That’s me. I’m talking to myself. Shut up brain.

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    July 15, 2009 Emotional yo-yo

    My weight may not be on the yo-yo right now, but my brain sure is. Surprise. Not really. Fred and I went to a party, sponsored by the McCafferty’s, Emily’s in-laws. The party was for Mark’s attainment of his master’s degree. It was a fun party. But, camera’s were flashing. Fred took pictures of me. When I saw them, my heart sank. I hate what I see when I see myself. I’m a fat cow. Even though I’ve lost 50, it’s just a dip in the big ass bucket. I can’t believe Fred really wants to marry me. He’s so…

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    July 11, 2009 – Happy Tired

    I’ve been chastised for not blogging more often, so I’m going to try to do better. Sometimes I wonder if people really care about what I’m up to. Then when I read the previous entries I think, I care what I’ve been up to! It’s quite fun to read. Sometimes its a bit embarrassing, but blogging, like the diary, is a fascinating study into a my own heart, mind and soul. I’m learning something new every day. In the last few years, since I started the mind and weight journey, I’ve grown. I’ve relapsed. I’ve gained. I’ve lost. I’ve been…