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    Saturday, March 28, 2009 – another whacky week

    I went back to work refreshed and invigorated. I needed the time off desperately. About a half an hour in to the day, an e-mail came through telling us about the need to take yet another furlough. ARGGG! I can’t afford any more time away from work. Now I’m scrambling to find a second job to handle my bills. It’s time for the economy to turn around. If stress is a cause for overeating (which seems to be the consensus) then I am a hopeless case. The world spinning off it’s access is eating me up, or rather making me…

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    Monday, March 23, 2009 Friends, Family and Fred

    Love for family, friends and Fred, As difficult as these past few weeks have been, a constant wonder for me is the support and love I’ve received from everyone. You really cannot know how deeply I am touched by your words of encouragement. I am burning them into my brain so I remember when the stressers become determined to takeover my thoughts. I returned to work today refreshed from a little trip into the Bluegrass country of Kentucky. Fred and I visited our friends Konnie and Dave in Georgetown where we enjoyed the sites of horse country and a local…

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    Tuesday, March 17, 2009 – Spinning Endlessly out of control

    I went to the graveyard today to check on the site. I removed spindles of dead flowers from the flower pots on our headstone. When Mike died I purchased a beautiful headstone with everything I love on it. It’s a black marble stone with a bronze peace dove descending on the front where our names are etched. On the back is the passage from 1 Corinthians 13 about love. There s a Scottish terrier etched and a cartoon character that Mike always drew when he left Emily and me notes. I love our headstone. It reminds me of the life…

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    Sunday, March 15, 2009 – doctor, doctor where are the doctors

    Friday night my friend Cathy and I went to see Dr. Sonnastein at a seminar explaining the bariatric program at Georgetown Hospital. I was late because I went to two wrong hotels (yes, I’m and idiot) but, I finally found the correct hotel, thanks to Cathy’s son. The room was full of post operative patients and a few new patients. The people sponsoring the seminar were great. The warmth and friendliness of the people in the room was palatable. Dr. Sonnastein’s wife, son and even his father were there offering their support too. It sounds like moving my records from…

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    March 9 2009 – still swollen

    I ate sparingly today. My throat still hurts from yesterday’s fiasco. Work was weird as usual. The people in the office are grieving the changes in the world and it’s keeping the air heavy. I hope spring brings a lighter mood. I went to see Sally today. She has a new book she wants to read with me as a 12 week program. It’s called, The Four Day Win. It sounds pretty interesting. I’m not starting anything new though, not until my current 12 week commitment is complete. Yesterday’s scare has me thinking about who I should go to for…

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    Sunday, March 8, 2009 Getting stuck

    Life just keeps rockin and rollin‘. Fred is sick. His twin brother is in the hospital, having been taken by ambulance with chest pain. I swallowed a bit of breakfast this morning – and it got stuck. Really stuck. What a challenging week. I am hoping for a better tomorrow. Getting through today should be OK, but my throat and stomach feel whacked out big time. I’ve never blocked my band like I did this morning. It was scary. I coughed for about 20 minutes. I could hardly breath. Then with a final cough scrambled eggs appeared in the sink…

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    Thursday, March 5, 2009 Everything changes

    Tonight’s group meeting was rather intense. We learned that Dr. Sonnastein has left St. Luke for Georgetown and our psychologist Dr. Laura lost her position because of the merger between St. Luke and St. Elizabeth Hospitals. These are two people who have held my life in their hands (with my permission of course). The entire group was stunned. We all feel betrayed by the administration of the hospitals. I think the administration should have sent a letter out to the patients. It would have been a professional courtesy. I am angry about the way it has been handled, but I’ll…

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    Tuesday, Feb. 3, 2009 Up down Up down Up down

    I hate this I hate this I hate this. I think one thing and do another. Am I going to ever get it? Today was the worst day yet for my choices since surgery. Terrible. There is no difference between my choice and a heroin addicts choice. really. My choices are going to kill me ultimately. damn it.

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    Sunday, Feb. 28, 2009 – Tell me spring is coming

    I have this idea that when spring comes my mental attitude will improve. Is that possible? Hope so. The lap band makes no difference whether I feel full or otherwise. It seems in the morning I’m swollen and then I feel restriction, but as the day goes by, I feel nothing. I get hungry and eat. I plan what I eat for the most part, but I still nibble on junky stuff. If I look at the successes – well, I have stopped eating bread. I’ve stopped drinking soft drinks. I don’t really miss either one. I do eat fat…