November 8, 2008 – Gagged for the first time

Well it happened. I let myself get too hungry before I ate breakfast.

I take a pepcid and b-12 vitamin together and I put it in the food. I swallowed too big a bite. DON’T DO THAT. It does make one feel horrible. I thought if I jumped up and down, that might help. It didn’t. I took a very small sip of water (we aren’t suppose to drink when we eat). Thank goodness, it helped.

I spent the next 20 minutes worried and miserable. Finally it all went down. Whew! That was scary.

Since the surgery I haven’t had any stomach troubles at all. This was a terrible surprise and a good reminder to me to not get cozy with the band. It’s there to prevent me from overeating and I tested it too hard.

After the morning excitement, I’ve spent the day in my basement. You can actually see the carpet now, although I still have tubs and boxes filled with stuff to file and give to charity. I am frustrated by my knack for laying things down and not returning to them until months later. I’ve found things from 2003 that I never opened! It feels good to clean.

Six years since Mike died. Many years of paper bills, photos, health records, bank records, misc. crap piled up like the fat on my body. I think I have been ignoring it all hoping it would magically organize itself or disappear. If Mike were here, he’d fix it. He’d help me. Actually, it would never have gotten this out of hand if he were alive. He kept me on the straight and narrow. The day he died, I think I just lost it. I used to be so organized and handled all the household accounts with ease. Now I have to concentrate really hard and I just haven’t wanted to.

I guess this is another part of the healing. It does take a long time. Now that I’m not using food as the crutch I’m dealing better with all of the realities of my life.

Hope so.

2 Replies to “November 8, 2008 – Gagged for the first time

  1. I’ve been thinking about doing a little cleaning out of things. It seems like starting a new life must include ridding one’s self of much of the old. Things that were once very important are no longer relevant. I believe Goodwill and I will be becoming good friends soon. It’s time for a new beginning for both of us.

  2. New Beginnings happen every day with the choices we make. I’m learning that every minute!

    Yes, letting go and moving forward in a positive direction is a testament to the strength of your spirit.

    You go girl!

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