I returned to work today. I took a day’s worth of sugar-free Carnation Instant Breakfast blended with Unjury protein powder. Every two hours the alarm on my cell phone reminded me to eat. Two hours goes by so fast and I was not hungry. I did manage to drink more water today. Still, I don’t think I’m getting enough.
When I got home I dragged my big ol’ body up the steps, ripped off my clothes and landed face first in the bed. I fell asleep almost immediately.
My sister-in-law, Chandra, called me about 45 minutes into my nap. She’s so much fun to talk to. I have known her since we were 8 years old. I met her at Maderia Presbyterian Church’s Vacation Bible School the summer of 1963 when my family moved from Columbus.
Chandra and I became good friends that summer as we entered the third grade. When we were in fifth grade she told me she was going to marry my brother, Steve; have two children; and become a doctor. She has accomplished just about all of that. She married my brother, had two children and is a psychiatric nurse practitioner at Children’s Hospital.
She’s so different from me. When I was in fifth grade all I could do was worry about being in seventh grade and changing classrooms, getting lost and being laughed at. She had adult ideas and adult plans. I was taping Monkee posters to my walls, riding my bike and playing yard games with the neighbor kids. We played Frisbee-tag a lot, soft ball and in the fall, football. Chandra was right there playing too, but there was always a seriousness about her that I lacked. She was like a sailboat on choppy water, intent, heading for the destination that would achieve her goal of stability and safety. Me, I was a tipsy, floppy, leaking boat without a paddle and definitely no oars in the water. I loved the beauty of the water like she did, but I flowed and rolled with the tide. Wherever it took me, that’s where I went. No plan.
It’s fun being a friend with someone so different than me. But really, she’s more than a friend. She is my sister. We’ve lived an entire life together. Growing up with brothers and a mother who didn’t want me to grow up, Chandra taught me how to be a girl. She taught me about tampons, make up, we skinny dipped in her pool and created whirlpools as we laughed and shared secrets. She taught me about what it’s like to be “popular” (she hung out with that crowd at school. I never did. I tried once, but just didn’t fit in.)
Chandra was the first to marry, the first to bear a child, the first to graduate from college and the first to boldly, unapologetically challenge my thinking and view of reality. Sometimes I agree with her and sometimes I vehemently disagree. She can shame and cut me deeper than my mother, at the same time challenging me to grow up. She is a devout Christian and deeply spiritual person. Our discussions about our faith and beliefs helps me stay centered.
While I have many friends whom I value and love. Chandra holds a special place in my heart and always will.
So tonight, I’m exhausted and glad to have touched base with my good friend.
Still, when left to my own thoughts, I feel as fat as I’ve always been. I think I’m going to be the only patient Dr. Sonnastein has that will gain weight after a lap band. I’m anxious to see him Monday.
One thing I’ve noticed, as I am eating only protein products…..my ankles don’t swell up anymore.
One more note: God always blesses in such surprising ways.
Today I e-mailed a PR person at Hoxworth Blood Center to follow up on a message received while I was off. I told her why I was off and she wrote write back to say she had the lap band 2.5 years ago and had lost 122 pounds. Oh my! Just when I start doubting, I’m reminded that even in my doubt – I’ve got to be on the right track.