Let’s give one last hurrah to the fat girl.
She’s fought and struggled her whole life to make a place for herself. She never found it. Sure she’s surrounded by friends and loved ones, but she never felt completely comfortable in her own life.
She is a fragmented person who now seeks to find wholeness and agreement with herself.
So how do you say good-bye to the fat girl?
She’s the one who kept you company. She’s the one who dried your tears. She is the one who cuddled your heart at its greatest sorrow. Yet, she kills herself with blight.
So where does she go when she isn’t needed anymore? How does she become the person she thinks she ought to be? How is a healthy relationship created from the sallow greed she encompassed? She flagrantly enveloped organs that needed space. She covered marks of pain with her sluggish waste. So where does she go when she isn’t needed anymore?
Is she not needed?
Can it be one last hurrah for the fat girl?
What does one do when the fat girl is me? Will I disappear? Will I become a better person? Will I become a harbinger of hope or omen of futility?
I am the fat girl.
I am the one who laughs at herself, ignoring the pain. I am the one who finds strength in being acceptably different. I am the one who knows that her weaknesses makes others comfortable and I like that. Now how do I say good-bye?
Is this really the last hurrah for the fat girl?
What will one do with the fear? What shall one do with the pain? How will one see the future? How will one bear what will be? What control does one have over destiny?
One last hurrah for the fat girl, for she is me and I am her, we must celebrate our unity and give the cheer for what must be. Good-bye tired view of reality. Welcome unexpected joy. For today we clamp down on what will be…
One last hurrah for the fat girl.
M’lu:
Congratulations on facing things on the inside AND the outside. The “new you” will be the same you, but with different feathers – like molting. What matters most is on the inside, and I’m glad to read that you are evaluating, ruminating, confronting and surpassing!!
Love, Cuz Julie
Thanks Cuz, my life seems to be a real process of learning and learning. This year has really been good for that. Seeing family this summer was wonderful because I saw people who were like me. I treasure that about coming up to Michigan. Seeing pictures of our great-grandparents was illuminating. I’m kind of built just like all the Evans (though I’m a larger version) That was fun to see. As I see less of me, I will find more of me, I’m sure.