After my lament, fret and worry, I weighed in 20 pounds lighter than I was three weeks ago. Who’d a thunk it! I’m excited. No tongue lashing from the doctor, rather cudo’s, encouragement and my first fill. The fill, well – a needle, I didn’t feel went in just below my sternum, sending four cc’s of saline into my band. I now feel like I did the day after surgery – full! More full than I was this morning when 1/2 cup filled me up, now 1/4 cup will do. Goodness. I met friends for dinner tonight at Bob Evans.…

Something anxious happening in my head: Me and time. What is it about me a time. My appointment with the doctor is Tuesday, not Monday, my car appointment was today, not tomorrow. My brain. Is it fibromyalgia fog or lack of iron? Is it lack of food? I know, I’m withering away to nothing – OH I WISH! My wrinkles have reappeared on my face so I know I’ve lost a little something, but I don’t feel like I’ve lost very much. I won’t know until I go to the doctor. This is the part I HATE about watching my…

I returned to work today. I took a day’s worth of sugar-free Carnation Instant Breakfast blended with Unjury protein powder. Every two hours the alarm on my cell phone reminded me to eat. Two hours goes by so fast and I was not hungry. I did manage to drink more water today. Still, I don’t think I’m getting enough. When I got home I dragged my big ol’ body up the steps, ripped off my clothes and landed face first in the bed. I fell asleep almost immediately. My sister-in-law, Chandra, called me about 45 minutes into my nap. She’s…

Last night a group of friends and I went to Don Pablos for dinner. Don Pablos is one of my favorite restaurants. It’s on the Ohio River. We arrived at 5:30 p.m. with the hint of evening’s sunset in the offing and the crisp air of fall rustling the turning leaves. I have two groups of friends that I meet with monthly for dinners out. This group is my giggle group. We get to talking and sharing stories and suddenly we are erupting in laughter over some sudden silly thing that captures our giggle bones. Last night was no exception.…

It’s one week and one day out since I had the surgery. This surgery has been so much easier to recover from. I was out today driving and walking. I’ve even done a little bit of cleaning. One week later – excellent. Surgery day – It was a positive experience as far as surgery goes. The nurse in pre-op gave me a Novocaine-like pain killer BEFORE she put the IV in. I will never have another IV needle put in without it. I was excited and scared. Emily and Tina kept me laughing. God was so merciful and gave me…

Let’s give one last hurrah to the fat girl. She’s fought and struggled her whole life to make a place for herself. She never found it. Sure she’s surrounded by friends and loved ones, but she never felt completely comfortable in her own life. She is a fragmented person who now seeks to find wholeness and agreement with herself. So how do you say good-bye to the fat girl? She’s the one who kept you company. She’s the one who dried your tears. She is the one who cuddled your heart at its greatest sorrow. Yet, she kills herself with…

Okay, so this is really happening. Surgery is tomorrow. I went to lunch with Cindy from work for the “last supper.” I had a big old barbecue burger soaked in tons of catsup (surprise). Life is really going to change once I get the lap band. It is extreme. I do like that my body will be able to absorb nutrients as always, unlike the gastric by-pass folks. But I will have to be more than diligent to be sure I eat enough to keep my body functioning properly. Questions I have now are what about all the veggies I…

My surgery date is set for October 8. Now the anxiety and excitement has kicked into high gear. I find myself feeling depressed today. I started cleaning the garage early this morning and tried everything to get the stink out. Being a pet owner sure is hard. I am also feeling a bit overwhelmed by the workweek. Power outages increased my workload tremendously. Then Dennis added an hour onto my life for obits. I missed two meeting starts because I was thinking they were later than they were. It all worked out, but I feel schmucky.Dorkish – and hungry –…

Meme has been relegated to the basement family room. She sits in a tiny chair by the fireplace I hate. She is surrounded by Rubbermaid boxes containing fragments and shreds of my life. Her arms are reaching out as if she is trying to keep them from falling on her. Interesting imagery. I haven’t thought about her very much. I would say I’ve been too busy to even notice. Something interesting happens with the doll. Most people who see her think she’s Emily! Now when I think of her as Emily, Meme becomes a beautiful doll; full of talent, smarts,…

When I returned to work in March, there was a big personnel shuffle in the office. Our editor, Dianne, was being transferred and a new editor was coming. Mark started with in mid April. It’s scary getting a new boss. Co-workers and I held our breath to see if there would be significant upheval in all of it. I’m happy to say, so far, so good. Something wonderful happened at the end of April too. Fred and I became more than friends. A romance has begun and I’m loving it….loving him. He’s such a good man. There is way too…